March 29th, 2005

I was in labor. A hard, painful labor only because I felt the entire contraction in the joint of my hip like a charlie horse from hell. I went into labor naturally and went through 24 hours, got all the way to pushing but then he flipped and was being pushed upside down and to the left INTO my pelvis so I had an emergency c-section.
Today, 4 years ago I held Mack for the first time. It had been a hard, emotional pregnancy, a difficult labor and I was overwhelmed with a feeling of failure when I had another c-section. But when I held him in my arms, it didn't seem to matter anymore. I started to fall in love with him and decided right then and there I wanted to do that again :) (minus surgery)
Mack cried all the time that he wasn't on me, nursing, or being touched. He was a grumpy, hard to please child. As soon as his cord came off, he developed a giant umbilical hernia that took a year to heal. He's speech was very delayed and he threw tantrums and fits when he couldn't make himself understood. He was loud and loved to throw or tumble things over.
He was so opposite of my gentle, quiet, loving, orderly, early-to-do-everything Mick that I thought I was going to lose my mind for the first two years. Little by little, Mack has made me a better mom, a better person. He started talking at the age of two and as his vocabulary grew, his temper diminished. The fits stopped. He started getting cuddly and loving sometimes instead of restless and grumpy.
Today, he's reading at a k/1st grade level, he has quite a grasp of the English language, he loves hugs and cuddles and meeting new people. His first reaction in any situation is still a gut level emotional response... his default answer is still "no". But I wouldn't change having him in my life for anything in the world. He's the stone that refines me and he's one of the most honest, genuine, beautiful personalities I've ever known.
Mack, if you ever read this, I want you to know you bring laughter, love, joy, and innocence to my life. I love you and I will always be proud you are my son.