Life moves on.

I have had a hard road lately. Without exaggeration I can say that losing my Foxy girl was one of the worst pains I have ever felt. We were together for 19 years and the last 5 of it I was worried with every change of season that she wouldn't make it. She wasn't sick, just little thReally,ings that started getting progressively worse.
I had a year of knowing that every time I let her outside or every time I woke her in the morning, she might have slipped away. Really, I wanted her to go in her sleep, to not hurt, to save me from making a choice. Sadly, I was too weak to let her go when she was ready.
When she passed, I had made my goodbyes and she slipped away in my arms, peacefully and softly like I had hoped she would. It hurt so much, I was sure my heart would break, I literally felt it cracking. I cried so hard. Then I stopped feeling at all, I couldn't smile, I knew there were times where my kids needed a sign of approval, happiness, love... and I was empty. After a while, I started to smile again.
Before she died, we knew what was going to happen and Mike told me that he thought it would be a good thing to get another dog in a month or two. At the time, I was surprised. If a relative dies you don't 'get another'. How can you replace an individual? I did keep it in mind and I made a promise to myself. When I can remember her without crying, without such pain and loss, then I will consider his suggestion.
I would have kept avoiding it altogether, but my family made me take a long clear look. My D'Oji is suffering, he's lonely and sad. When we let him out he would sit by the front door instead of running out to play or explore. He's never been alone since we got him at 6 months old.
My older two boys understand clearly what death is, what it does from a biological standpoint (you would have to know my kids to believe me) Mick is ok with it, Mack is ok too, but he feels the loss since he had claimed Foxy as his own special dog. Mase is the worst. He knows she is missing, he asks about her every day, he is concerned and keeps thinking I left her outside. It's hard to hear though it is getting easier.
I faced the idea of adopting another dog and found myself surprisingly good with it. After a few days of looking at our options, I am starting to get excited. Mike has been very understanding letting me set the pace.

First, we need to figure what bred we were looking for. We thought about another chow mix, but I think that would be too much like replacing her. We have tons of room indoors and out and already have a large dog, so a large breed is good. With three children, two cats, and a dog already, the new muttley will have to be gentle and easy going. Mastiffs, St.Bernards,and Great Danes fit the bill and are often passed over because of the room and time needed to keep them. We have tons of room indoors and out as well as the time at home to keep the dogs company. Danes and mastiffs are good indoor dogs, too.
Three days ago there was a dog up for adoption that I noticed but hesitated to make an offer because of the commitment level. We keep our pets for life and they are family, so I don't want to jump into it. Today his status was changed to urgent and I wrote to make contact. He's good with animals and kids, no mention of age, but he's a Great Weimar and a sort of silver-blue color.
He is about 2-3 hours away.
There was another that stood out to me the moment I saw her. She's a brindle mastiff/dane mix and 4 years old, also good with other animals and kids. She is closer to us, only 30 miles away.
Both of them line up with what we are looking for so I made contact on both. Now I'm sitting here feeling anxious and excited, like I just asked someone out and I'm waiting for an answer. It also means I'm risking rejection. I never thought it would be this scary. Both of our dogs were rescued and our cats were adopted from family.
I hope one of them might like us and say yes. If they both say no, we'll have to go back to the beginning and start looking for the right dogs again.
How can I be so nervous?