Good Bye Foxy-girl. You're missed.

I am so sad. I loved her so much and we were together for 19 years, but I really thought that her age and my having children would make it easier to accept losing her. After all, it was inevitable. I was seriously rocked by her passing, it hurt more than anything has ever hurt before. for days I couldn't muster a smile or a laugh or joke... and if you know me at all, you know how hard it is for me to not laugh.
I remember when I first met her, she was a fluffy little red ball playing in a back yard with a group of children. I was a little jealous since I was working and would have loved to be at home playing with a puppy instead. I worked next door to her once a week and I saw as she got bigger she was less important to her owners. She was left outside alone with a dog house and food/water bowls under a tarp. She was lonely and I loved her already, so we lunched together once a week til her owner told me not to pet her over the fences as she had been running away frequently.
It was hard to leave her alone when every time she saw me she would greet me with a 'boooo'. Something between bark and growl, it meant she was happy to see me. One day I showed up to find her chained to the dog house on the other side of the yard. A few weeks later I came by to clean up after a violent storm I saw the tree next to her dog house split by lightening and she was STILL chained next to it.
My stepdad and I talked and decided to give these neglectful people a chance to do the right thing and give her to me. I had already rescued a male calico kitten that month. His name was Oscar and I wanted to keep him, so badly. I wasn't allowed, so I gave him to my sister and her boys. He wasn't happy there, so when I got older, I took him back. He loved my father's home too much to leave, so we parted ways there but I saw him often and it was so good to see him happy.
back to Foxy! They were grateful to get rid of her, they asked that when we came by to get her, please leave a note so that they didn't have to call the pound and see if she ran away again. I was even angrier when I came to get her because the chain that never came off of her was attached not to a collar as I assumed, but to a choke chain with inward facing spikes. she was fluffy, I understand it was hard to get her collar tight enough to keep her put without choking her, but that was disgusting.
They had named her Cocoa, of all things. She was a bright red fluff ball with white markings and red freckles on her feet.. like a red border collie. Cocoa? pfft. Her new name was Foxy. She and I were inseparable for years, til I was 18 and moved out. I couldn't take her with me and it was awful to leave her behind, but she stayed with my mom and dad and their little dog who was great with Foxy. I visited as often as I could and I cried more often than I should have.
I moved three times between 18 and 21. Then I met Mike. Wonderful, sweet, loving Mike who made me happier than I had ever been in all my memory. We stayed in my apartment for a few months after getting married and then we decided it was best to move away to be on our own for a while. We found a place that was nice, bi enough for us, and allowed dogs. I finally got my Foxy back and the two people that were closest to me were together in the same house. She was wonderful when we got a little black kitten, Mojo Johnny. He would even sleep on her, so sweet. While I was going through pregnancy aversions her licking made me intensely angry. She was great with the baby, too. 6months after the baby arrived, I got a call from Mike at work telling me that a client called him to say Foxy had gotten out of the yard and was about to be taken to the pound. I didn't even look in the yard, I just ran down the street to get her. While the dog that was caught trying to get into the neighbor's yard was adorable, it wasn't my Foxy girl.
he was a big dog, looked like a chow/golden retriever mix with a little rotty tossed in. So skinny that my fingers could meet around his stomach and so cuddly and darling that he was in love with everyone he met.
After he was taken to the pound, I couldn't get him out of my mind so Mike and I waited
til his quarrantine was over and went to see if he was a good fit for our family. Poor Mike, never had a dog (unless you count a few months when he was 5) and here he was with a cat, two dogs, a wife and a baby within two years of meeting me. We named our new sweetheart D'Oji. D-O-G. It fit, what can I say? If he hadn't been mistaken for Foxy, if she hadn't liked him, then he would have been in the Roseburg Oregon shelter til he went mad or got sick and died.
Those two were like bookends through our moves to Nebraska and Wyoming, the loss of Mojo Johnny, the birth of our second child and back to Oregon, the birth of our third boy, and move to La Pine. Foxy loved living here in La Pine. SOOO much room to roam, plenty of hot sunshine and cool green grass, a big porch out front and out back. Doggy heaven.
We finally got the chance to buy our own home and she was still with us. I thank God for that. I wanted her to be buried at home and that wouldn't have worked out if we were renting still. Doubly lucky, we made friends with our neighbors, who were somewhat hermity like us. One of the neighbors works at the emergency animal clinic.
foxy was healthy always, but while I was 8 months along with my youngest, Foxy had what we thought was a seizure. It turned out to be vertigo, extreme sort. It left her with permanent damage, a tilted head and bad balance. She had already started getting hard of hearing and a little myopic, but after her vertigo it got much worse. She was virtually blind, seeing movement and not much else. The vertigo combined with her poor hearing made it hard for her to get where she intended to go, spinning in circles or placing her forehead on the ground if she got too confused. She also had a touch of arthritis in her back legs and it progressed rapidly as well. Falling down left her in bed for two days at a time, not getting up to go outside or eat during the recovery.
2 weeks after we moved to our own home, she went missing. We are a few block from the entrance to a state park where there is a river. We received a call from a kayaker who found her in a log jam, in that river... 15 miles down stream. He fished her out and warmed her up. We took her home and to a certain extent she recovered, but she started spending more time in bed, not wanting to be brushed or washed, barely eating. She had never been the type to run off, but she was taking any opportunity to go back to the house we had rented first in laPine, a few blocks away. The fear and dread in my stomach every time was killing me and it was because I knew she was trying to go off to die alone. I kept her around, I forced her to keep living for me. This last time she left, I knew it was the end. Thankfully, someone called animal control and while having her out down was painful, I didn't have to wonder about her and where she ended up, she didn't have to die in the snow, alone.
Foxy was put down on Sunday, but our friend and neighbor Jenny who works at the emergency animal hospital. It was quiet and peaceful, she was cuddled next to me, warm and soft. I stroked her head and ears as she fell asleep in the dimly lit little room. We brought her home that night and she'll never leave again. I will be planting a rose bush over her grave and I think of her all the time. she wasn't really a dog in my heart, she had her own mind and only stayed with me because she wanted to. I feel honored that she loved me that much and I wish there was a way to tell her it was returned, three fold.
D'Oji is lonley now and Mike has talked of a new companion for him soon. I think it would be good for him, poor lonely boy. it feels almost like a new generation reliving the past when I see my big gold red dog cuddled up on the floor with our new black kitten, Radar. I will never get over her, the pain will always be there,but so will the wonderful memories. Thank you for being with me for 19 years, Foxy.