OH, I love my friends!!!

I got a package from Sock Dreams about 4 days ago... I am so in love. I thought this was my treat and I would savor it for a long time, but I was surprised by my friends.
Jen was really patient with me and when I finally got my act together, she sent me my GORGEOUS skirts. I took no pictures because I was wearing them the instant I unwrapped them. I have 6 of them now and sadly, this means I have to stop - that was what I thought til my darling husband said these were the prettiest yet and I could order some for gifts. OOOH OOOH! I'm gonna have to DO that. Smart man. In the package of skirts was such a sweet little gift... a couple of handmade soaps that smell just wonderful, some tea that I sat sniffing most of an hour, a couple of spotted wash cloths (have I mentioned how I adore spots?) a panty liner that's too cute made by Tina at Sunshine Wishes, and a gift certificate for $5 at Closet on Queen Creek.
It was like my own little Very Merry UnBirthday. I think I made Mike admire everything twice.
I counted myself as the luckiest girl on the block and was again planning to make it last with savoring :)
We are packing to go see My Kirsten and then go see family, running in and out packing suitcases, checking fluids, yadda yadda yadda and Mike came in the house long enough for his glasses to fog and tell me that our single neighbor was having trouble unloading her propane tanks. When he came back in he announces "I have a package for you Sweetheart!"
Snort. Once the giggling stopped, I saw the name was my very own George and I racked my brain to remember what I could possibly be expecting from her... nothing came to mind. I opened it to find a note (I love you too George) along with YARN. It deserves caps and it's own punctuated sentence. Such a beautiful color!!! I will have hours of fun figuring out what to make with it.
She also packed a pretty mug.. I adore coffee mugs, I collect them... candy in the mug YUM, hot cocoa mix which my children promptly stole and were pretending burned them.
Look the word hot, OUCH, it burns me! You hold it.
OUCH!
I'm proud.

The best thing yet was a gem sweater. I can't even begin to go into the back ground on the conversation George and I shared about Gem Sweaters, but I will share this. It may help you understand. Leslie Hall, if you read this, I love you.

What leads me to you

I think it's a lyric, but my poor brain is too Swiss cheesed to remember for sure. I was talking to my GC friends and getting giddy that I have a new follower. Does anyone else feel slighty cult-leaderish when saying that aloud?
No? Just me, then. Moving on. I feel like rambling, so I'll say whatever comes to mind.

I am thinking of degrees of separation... sort of. Mentally I wander through my experiences til I reach a memory that reminds me of a nearly unrelated memory and I laugh.
The person standing with me doesn't get it. Mostly because I didn't say anything aloud, I simply chuckled. Usually during a solemn silence or about two beats after it would have been appropriate. Being me, I have to explain and then it gets even worse because there are just too many degrees of separation between my Memory Moment and where I actually am. I can't help myself either, I HAVE to explain it all in much greater detail than anyone wants.
This is the reason Mike refuses to let me talk to cops. My darling husband gives me this same speech every time we get ready to drive a long distance.
"IF we get pulled over, you are to say NOTHING. You don't look the officer in the eye, you don't open your mouth. Leave it to me. If for some reason you are speaking to the officer, you answer his questions exactly, be economical with words. Nod or shake your head if you can get away with it. Do you fully understand what I am saying to you? Good. I expect you to honor your word. I mean it."
Please don't think he's a mean spirited man or a controlling husband because he isn't. He's loving and kind and puts up with my weirdness. But I make that hard. how do I put this? hmmm.
Ever seen the movie Liar Liar? That scene when Jim Carrey gets pulled over... k, that's me. I am unable to lie. I can fudge or bend or omit on occasion if I am not started at for more than 4 seconds straight and I'm not asked any pointed and specific questions. But I can't lie. I can't play poker and I hate when cops go under cover on my favorite shows.

My first job interview was a disaster. Oh, you're imagining it now, aren't you? I showed up sweaty and late, I knocked over the stuff on a table, I shook, and I believe I even cried. Some of the phrases that I uttered ~
I have no experience in this field.
I don't drive
Since I hate the bus I might be late to work often.
I'm only applying here til I find a better job.
and my all time fave-
I am not good with people.
Then I called every day for a week til they told me bluntly they hired someone else. I cried again.
I truly love meeting new people and I am afraid sometimes I am a shock to their poor, polite systems. I write the way I talk, I talk the way I think and I think like a perfect combo of my mother and father. Which makes me seem bonkers.
During labor i remember singing Blues Clues. Also, I think I told someone I felt pretty. No drugs, all me.

I love romantic classics
nearly nothing offends me
I hate the colors orange (because of monkeys)
I am easily distracted by shiny noisy or colorful things
I love odd socks
I have to sniff everything and if what I sniff is soft, I have to touch it to my lips. The first two weeks after my baby's arrival, I had chapped lips.
Every season is wonderful
Family is the only thing that really matters to me
I have never been as happy in life as I have the last 8 years.
the term "mechanically separated chicken" will forever make me think of my uncle Mike and and his limerick.
I love most what I am least talented at.
I have a low self esteem, but I always assume people love me and I'm hurt when they don't. Why is that?
I not-so-secretly think my kids are the best people in the world.
My left half responds faster than my right.
I'll be back later.

I scared the mail man

and mail woman. They deliver packages (two people in the same car) at about 11 am most of the time and I make sure to be up and dressed so that I can run out and grab it as soon as they honk. If I don't, they leave and I have to wait days to get the thing delivered or I have to drive Mike to work then load the kids up and go to town, then go pick Mike up after work. Either way, it bites.
Today at 9:24 am I was awake, but wearing only a thigh high nightgown and I hadn't done anything but drink coffee... no hair brush, no socks. Nada.
They came early.

Split second decision - do I maintain my modesty and miss the delivery, causing much more work later, or do I sacrifice modesty, become the crazy lady who answers the door in the rough, but get the package on time?
I am hosting a fall swap and this was a package for said swap, so my choice was made.
Since we closed off the front door at the first snow because of sealing issues I had to go around back, across the boardwalk and around the side of the house. I was running late from all that thinking I had done and so I had to jog.


Take a moment and try to imagine this. I am a big woman. I was in complete disarray. I was wearing a short sleeved, above the knee cotton nighty that's pink with gray kittens and stars all over it. I came running around the back of the house in the snow with no shoes.
This is when I realized, oh, the no shoes thing.. snow is bad enough, but I forgot the patch of wet dirt (rained earlier) then crushed rock. So now I had to slow down and do that weird walk people do when they have tender soft feet and are walking on rocks.
My mail woman did a double take and giggled before catching herself. To cover the moment, she then said "Oh."
I said, "um, yeah"
she said, "how are you doing?"
I looked down, looked at her and said, "I'm a little cold".
I got the package and as I reached for it I was thinking, I hope my nighty is long enough to cover what it needs to when I lift my arms.
There was an actual gale of laughter as they left my driveway.
Next time I am remembering to wear underwear.
Or shoes.

Update time

It's been 6 days and feels MUCH longer.
So, I'm still sick as a dog. My dogs never seem sick (other than that one time... shudder) Funny enough, I was thinking of that particular time last night. I was getting my nightly Migraine from Hell and I thought to myself " I wonder if it's a sign of how low I've come that I am tempted to take the dog's anti-nausea meds?"
Mike says "Yes, yes it is. Leave them alone."


Oh. I think I may have thought my thought aloud. Whoopsie. That would be a side of myself I just adore people peeking at. I should have remembered from my hospital visits that I talk while in pain.


My list of complaints -
nausea
headaches
cramps
both extremes in the poo department
rash
coughing, hacking, sneezing
ears clogged
ears draining each night in an itchy, insane way
feet and hands swollen each night and each morning
rash. How could I forget the rash that makes me scratch private places in public places. Sure, my arms and belly aren't too bad, but who decided the patch of skin between my boobs was a good place for an itch?
sleeplessness
followed by fatigue and sleepiness

The upside-
I'm losing weight (face it, if you've seen me you know this is a good thing)
I have no energy to yell, which makes the kids and husband happy, and saves my throat. It's already damaged from the perpetual coughing.
I can feel 8.5 of my toes again.
My clothing and shoes are getting nearly no wear and tear put on them.
my brain still works.
I found a neat reaction to share with the kids when I take my cough medicine. full body shudders and a face that could make strangers use me as an example to their kids of how "it got stuck that way".
My brother-in-law just said "hey, do that again" giggle. Riiiiiight.

Children Unite

Do you ever wonder if they have secret meetings to plan this sort of behavior?
4 out of the 5 of us have been sick so now I am so far behind it'll take a week of dedicated attention to get back. I am trying to catch up on my schedule and it's a miserable failure so far. Why? Mason has been waking at 2 am and staying up til 4 or 5. So guess who gets to take care of him? Yup, bingo, right in one.
Me. Of course, it's because I don't have to be up at a designated hour and drive to work. I understand it, I agree with it, but it still ticks me off to no end that I always have to get up with him.

Upon waking I get myself cleaned up and toss on my robe. I plan to make toast and start the dishes. In attempting to complete ONE chore, any chore, I am stopped several times for absolutely nothing. I start out nice but by the 5th time in 4 minutes (YES I timed it) I was getting so frustrated I was losing the ability to make words.

Maybe it would be better to switch chores for a bit. Nope.
One of the children has discovered the fun of the clothes dryer. Nothing has been melted yet, so I have to assume it's one of the younger two. What I DO have is an extra large load of clothes that got stopped in order to add three dirty dish clothes. I went to pull out my clean dry laundry and got cold wet mildew in the face.


I send them to their room to read a book. They start fighting over the book. I think to myself 'breathe in, breathe out, calm yourself'. Right then is when the wailing and screeching reaches a pinnacle that could be mistaken for an animal caught in a snare. I go in to make sure I'm not ignoring real pain and find them on either side of the room crying. Why? I ask.

Both talk at once, relating all the horrors committed... he touched the book I was reading... well he sat too close to me... and then he dropped a blanket on my head...
I leave them wisdom 'if you don't want it done to you, don't do it to him!'

Fuming a little, I go BACK to the dishes that I SWEAR I asked a husband to do a day ago. There is short person in the dishwasher. No, really, IN it. I can only see a pair of pants. Since I only have three and the two older~
A) know better
B) outgrew it
C) are in the room being children

I felt safe assuming this is the toddler. I say HEY! in a sharp voice. This startles him into turning around - causing the steak knife that was in his hand to fly across the room in an arc and stick in the linoleum at my feet.
I need coffee and a break.
I start the coffee amidst the heartbroken crying of the baby who was deprived of his dishwasher and the slightly more angry squealings coming from the older boys room.
I pour my cup, head to the computer, where I am suddenly and abruptly converged on my all three. Demands are made regarding computer games and their individual rights as children. The oldest will NOT stop talking long enough to let me answer even though I'm trying, the middle child repeats everything the first says, only louder and the third is alternating between smacking my thighs and pinching the soft skin inside my elbow while yelling like the Stain on that commercial. You know the one.
QUIET! Oldest son, what do you have to say?
Now, I warn you moms never to ask this question of a smart child. There are infinite possibilities to such an open ended query and his brain slowed to a crawl to process all of them.
I... w a n t e d u m ...............d i d w e .... U h .... I f.....
Meanwhile, near my knee the middle son has started screaming NO BABY! in a voice swiftly rising to dog-only status.The baby has turned on the middle child with a heavy soup spoon. I assume it's booty from his earlier dishwasher-diving trip. WHY do they do this? *lightbulb*
Maybe they're like this because they're hungry?
Do you want grilled cheese?
YES! two voices yell in joy. They third says, um.......
OK, then, what do you want?
I want a sandwich on two slices of bread, peanut butter on the left side, a little bit of jelly not too much to squish out on the right piece. I want to watch you make it, then i want to put the right and left together to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. With no beans and no broccolli.
OK, grilled cheese it is.
As I grill, they're quiet. I think to myself, what a wonderful world.
I cut the sandwiches - diagonal twice for Oldest, vertical and horizontal for Middle, and into 5 fingers for Baby. I call them to the table, chiding them to remember it may be hot in places. I feel warm and fuzzy.
Walking into the living room, I am praising myself for being such an astute mom. Horror and a dash of anger surge in to replace the fuzzy self-congratulations when I see the yarn spun around the living room like a giant, tangled, expensive web 1 foot off the ground. There is a tub of yogurt that was snuck from the fridge while I cooked (I assume, since I don't generally leave it in the living room) the remote is lost and there is an entire load of clean laundry tossed willy-nilly.
OK, let's take it one step at a time.

Where is the remote?
I dunno.
I HATE watching Spongebob, get me the remote this instant!
I didn't use it.
How .... I .... find it. You used it, you lost it, you find it. Capiche?
But MAAAA-uhm, I just pushed the buttons.
oh, boy, did you ever.

the remote is found. Covered in peanut butter. I never served them peanut butter, I have no idea where it came from, but I'm not going to ask. I know I won't like the answer.
Still wearing a robe. Still haven't done the dishes. While I was busy with the living room caper, the younger two migrate to the bathroom.
I get my lunch break. NOW.
The Dear Husband has taken over while I am on break. I sit here writing it all out and the conversation behind me is priceless.
dad-Are you hungry? Is that why you're acting so nutso? I'll make waffles.
kids-Yes, we're hungry!
dad-How many waffles should I make you?
oldest-U h hh .... um.... how about.....
dad-How many would mom have made you?
oldest-Several.
middle-Lots!
baby-DAH!!!!
OK, how about we start with one each?
No honey, that's your brother's waffle. No, don't, I AM making more!
what? OK, lets try TALKING ... I know it's new, but your internal dialogue doesn't help me.
Oh... Oh, god above, what IS that SMELL!?!

Time has passed. I heard that last sentence from Dear Husband and turned to see the baby on the steps coming to get me... he gets me every time he poops. He could be sitting on his daddy's lap and will still ask to get down, come to me, and ask to be changed because of the poo. This time, he squatted. I ran a bath while Daddy cleaned the floor and steps. Then daddy took off the diaper and tossed it in the toilet to be sprayed off while I turned the shower head on the legs and butt of baby. THEN he got to get in the bath tub.

The things we teach our children

We don't cuss in our house. Well, we try not to, we use interesting and unique phrases or words instead.
Mase is a year old and collecting these words and phrases with a single minded attention. He's also pushing the boundaries of his little world every day. Sometimes that toddler pushes his world into mine. That makes it his and my poor world is shrinking and has the privacy of a fishbowl. Tonight was a VERY good example to Daddy dear of what I deal with several times a day.

Mike went to the bathroom.
Mase followed.
mike locked the door.
Mase hit the door like a pinata.
dad- "No! Don't hit, no."
baby- "DAD! Dad dad dad dad dad. Door!"
dad- "no, door stays shut."
baby- "Dad dad, dad dad dad dad. DOOR!"
dad- "NO"
baby "Dad, door! Dad, DOOR dad door dad door."
dad- silence.
baby- "aw, bug 'em." walks away.

New Blog!

Don't you love it when you hear about a new blog that gives things away? Reviewer blogs always catch *my* attention, anyway. I won something once. Just once. Still have to try, lol.
A friend on SweetPeace (a forum for moms/friends)shared this link to her friend's blog. She's giving away a $50 gift certificate to Fuzzi Bunz!!! I know there is about zero chance I'll get it, but I have to try. It's not a bad way to encourage cloth diapering as well and that is something I will always be good for :)
So go look already, she has some interesting and cute stuff on her blog.

Jamie's Precious Peas